Human Relationships, Emdad Khan
(re-produced from May 2014 version)
Human beings are created by God as social beings, they like to socialize, to be respected, to be loved, like to share their happiness and sorrow with others. God created first man, Adam; in spite of having all the comforts and luxury of life, he felt lonely. God then created Eve; so both can have love, peace and tranquility with each other.
When we are born as a child, we develop relationship with our mother and father, then with playmates, classmates, siblings, cousins, neighbours, uncles, aunties, grandparents, etc. As we grow, we develop the affinity to be loved and also to love persons of opposite sex, we get married and develop spousal relationships. In turn, we get the gift of our own children and become parents, and the cycle continues. We develop social relationship with neighbours, community members, and work relationships with colleagues.
Human relationships, the ability to get along well with other persons, the ability to interact positively and effectively with people around us is the key in achieving success in our life. If we develop and maintain cordial relationships, it will be the most important factor for a successful career as well as successful personal life.
The inability to get along with another person is a primary reason for failure, and unhappiness in work and life. Our happiness and enjoyment in life comes from our relationships with other people, and our problems in life come from poor relationships with them.
The relationships we have with other people are projections of the relationships we have within ourselves. Our external relationships are a reflection of our internal relationships. Relationships exist in our imagination; our relationship with another person is whatever we think about the other person. If we love or hate a person, it is up to us; the other person may have a completely different thinking about our mutual relationship. So our relationship with someone includes what we think of that person and what we perceive how the other person thinks about us. We see our relationships through our own perception and imagination that may be near or far from reality.
Let us take some examples. Imagine, we meet two people, one grew up as messy and the other person is neat and tidy. So our relationship is based on our own lifestyle, which would be different. Similarly, on time management, one is punctual and another is casual, it will have a different impact on us, a reflection of ourselves. On dress, someone likes formal and another likes informal, it will have also impact based on our own life. We may become tolerant to the other person or we may conclude we are incompatible. If we become tolerant and work on ourselves, it may improve the relationship. If we push the other person to be like us, likely it will backfire.
Let us make a list of the things that bother us about the other person. Now let us put that list as if it is applicable to us. We will find most of the complaints are applicable to ourselves. It is hard to accept that our complaints about others are really complaints about ourselves.
A better approach to accelerate our personal growth is to build positive relationships with others. People around us reflect the state of our own lives. The environment that we are in, healthy or unhealthy, is the reflection of our own life. The more we interact with positive attitudes with others of different personalities and behaviour, the more we learn about ourselves. This will help to improve ourselves to be a better human being and it will help to improve our relationship with others.
When we forgive, accept, and love ourselves, we will forgive, accept, and love other human beings as they are. The more we improve our internal relationships between our thoughts, beliefs, and intentions, the more loving and caring our relationships will become.
If we are impressed by a person for his/her achievement, in turn, the other person will also become impressed by us. If we make someone else, such as our friends, relatives, children or parents happy, in turn we will also become happy. By making someone else happy, we will increase our self–esteem, confidence and ultimately, happiness. When we express admiration for another person, in turn, the other person will also have admiration for us.
When we show that we believe in the other person, the other person will also believe us and we become more confident. Human beings are created by God in such a way that everything we do to another person has a reciprocal effect on ourselves. Our faith teaches us that if someone greets us with, peace be upon you, then we should reply with better greetings, peace and mercy be upon you. We can improve our self-esteem and self-confidence by taking the opportunity to improve the self-confidence and self-esteem of others. We should avail every opportunity to say and do things that make another person, we interact with feel comfortable and valuable. Each time we express a kindness toward another person, our own self-esteem improves; our own personality becomes more positive.
When we encourage others, we also gain courage and confidence. Things we say or do to make others around us feel important, boosts their self-esteem, and in turn boosts our own self-esteem. In the end, we ourselves will be happier and have real satisfaction in life. Our stress will be reduced and at the same time our energy levels will be increased.
May our creator, God, guide us to establish positive relationships with the people around us and work to make them happy and ultimately we will become successful and happy in work and in personal life.