My Children, by Afroza Chowdhury

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First Tarik, then Munmun, now Jaseem, and Emma. It’s hard for me to see them leaving one by one. I knew that the day will come soon when my last one will be leaving home but I guess I was not realizing how hard it will be. I know that my kids have grown up, they have moved on with their careers, relationships and even family to pursue their own dreams. While our home is now strangely quiet.

Lately, I’ve been feeling sad knowing my children need me less these days. They have been, and remain to be the center of my world. Jaseem will never ask me for a ride to the bus stop in the morning. I will not know all little things that will happen to them, like whether Jaseem is feeling sick or tired or may be…..I will not hear him screaming everyday “Maa” each time he enters the house. I miss their feet stomping up and down the stairs, their laughter and even their loud arguments. My whole world has evolved around my children and frankly, a life without them in this big house doesn’t even seem happy at all.

I don’t think I was ever prepared to let them go.

When Tarik left, I was still buying lots of Coca Cola, and then Jaseem said, Maa stop buying Coke Bhaiya is not here – you are wasting your money. When Munmun moved out with Asef, I felt a part of me was left behind with her….As I see them leaving, I truly understood for the first time exactly how my own mother – gone many years now – must have felt when she wrapped her arms around me 37 years ago in the same situation. Clearly, I wasn’t alone in my feelings

I am nostalgic and feeling sad, just thinking of them that they are not around me is getting me teary eyed and a feeling of emptiness. I truly believe that this is a normal part of being a mother. It really is a bitter-sweet feeling, I want my kids to grow up and be independent, happy and strong, and yet on the other hand I get to feel so sad and very alone. I never wanted my kids to leave – wanted them to live with me forever. I wish my kids would do reverse aging.

Raising children is an enormous, life-defining and intense job. But, I guess the fact that we as parents made it and raised independent children, ready to take on the challenges of the world In Shaa Allah. I know they will still need our support the journey doesn’t end here. Sometimes the thought that comforts me the most, is the realization that I will always have a very deep love for my children and that time or age can never take that away from me. The love I have given my children will live on in their hearts even after I am no longer here.

On the flip side, we are blessed with our grandson Zaidan who still needs us and we need him. He brings enormous fun and joy into our lives and our quiet home, Alhamdulillah. Children are certainly a blessing from Allah, are not a possession. Allah says in Surah Al Kahf 18:46 – Wealth and children are an ornament of the life of this world: but good deeds which endure are better in thy Lord’s sight for reward, and better in respect of hope.

Wherever they are and they go my prayers are always with them. May Allah SWT bless my children with good health and happiness, protect them from all evil things, help them so that they can be on straight path, make them establisher of prayers, give them prosperity and keep them under HIS shade of Rahmat.

Ameen!

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