Most Imams will thankfully educate us on the matter of forgiveness.It makes a victim think about what we should do in our life and how we wish to function, perhaps inadvertently oblivious of what is virtuous for us with respect to the Divine Blessings of Allah Subhanahu Wa Tala. I want to share time with others too, which I respect and copiously comprehend.
It is an enormous excruciating task and a mammoth burden to also think that by not forgiving, we become subject to being at sin and fall from the blessings of Allah, Subhanahu Wa Tala !
Please allow me to explain :-
When we lost our son,Tareq, ( May Allah have blessings on his soul), at the young age of 19, it was a catastrophic pain not only to myself individually, but also to my family members as a whole.. The deep blemish and agony continues, since the murder date of September 28, 2001.
Indeed, after we attended a little over 3 years of court proceedings, the Crown Prosecutor suggested that Restorative Justice would help alleviate pain and admit forgiveness as blessings and offer better health. We asked what they meant. We were told that we would meet with the murderer of our son, Tareq, and basically usher us to forgive him. At the Prosecutor’s Office, located at the Ottawa Court House, after working hours, perhaps around 8 pm, we could not believe what we were hearing. Hence categorically rejected the proposal. Indeed, I was unconsciously out of control at the Prosecutor’s office accusing The Prosecutor and his bright team of being lax and lenient on the murderer and punishing my family!
Ever since that highly recommended guidance, I have been wondering what has come to this world?
A year later, at the Victims of Crimes Annual Conference, which is typically held in April at the Hilton Hotel at Lac Lamy, Quebec, and which we attended annually, I spoke against Restorative Justice. The then Ottawa’s Ex Deputy Chief of Police, Sue Sullivan, respected and hailed what I said as justified pain. The audience stood up and applauded. But Church members and members of the Justice Department rushed across the floor and offered to talk to me in private, which they did at Lunch time. They failed to convince me to change my mind. Long story!
No one would ever convince me or any of my family members, how could I or my family members forgive the hand that murdered our son, Tareq, Allah yerhamoh and may the mercy of Allah shower his soul for eternity?
It is true, that we have to adhere to our Islamic teachings and what Allah Subhanahu Wa Tala ask us to do. Indeed, we all need the blessings of Allah. Words such as Hard, Difficult , Impossible..etc.. etc will not contest the tremendous pain which we endured and continue to agonise and finally to be asked to offer our forgiveness to the murderer?
Perhaps a reader of this, can HELP search in the Holy Quran whatever is probable to be an exception to forgiving in such cases. It is double impact to think guilty and sinning over not forgiving the murderer who killed our son. We may have long forgotten the daily initial pain, the sleepless nights, but we will not forget what my other elder son suffered the long and painful Clinical Depression, and our associated worries of losing him too, after the loss of his best friend and younger brother,Tareq, The impediments that continues to haunt us leave us with little or no room to recover. My daughter continues to suffer quietly but too proud and perhaps ashamed to admit weakness on the loss of her brother. Hence, all the life thorny experiences that she faces daily. My wife went literally senseless for almost 6 months as she would sit on the edge of the bed every evening, blaring: I miss my baby, I miss my baby! She did not report to work for months. I was, and still am, perhaps the weakest in the family but as a father, I had to exhibit courage and leadership in order to help my family move forward. Over the years, I have developed medical issues. Asked to throw away all the pain and the sufferings plus the sad memories of what we went through immediately after the murder of our son? How can we justify the peace of our son’s soul by accepting, to roll with the dice, and allow ourselves to forgive the murderer?
I took every opportunistic moment at various public events to speak against the Canadian Criminal Justice System that failed our family at every step of the court trial and the ultimate mean and petty judgement passed in favour of the murderer. He was given a three years jail sentence inside a minimum clean, hotel-like environment penitentiary. He was then released 8 months into what they call a Half Way House for few month and released thereafter for good! How could a murderer, such as this one, reflect on the gravity of his heinous crime?
Few weeks ago a 19 years old young man murdered a whole family in Barrhaven, South of Ottawa. 5 are dead, including a mother and her 4 children. The father happens to be the only survivor. He survived his injury, but can he survive the pain of losing his wife and his children, including a 2 months innocent baby? Should this man be asked to accept Restorative Justice?
I can not predict what the judgement will be against the murderer, but I have no fate in the Canadian Criminal Justice System. Victims will painfully continue to lick their wounds and shake their heads as they remember their loved ones. We still do.
May Allah forgive me and my family for we just cannot forgive in this case? Only those feet standing on fire will feel its appalling heat! No one can measure the pain that one will go through when losing a loved one, especially due to murder .
Respectfully..
Farook Aman
